“And she move like a boss, Do what a boss Do, she got me thinking about getting involved That's the kinda girl I need. Play like a boss, She made for a boss, Only a boss, Anything less she telling them to get lost…”
Ne-Yo pinned this song back in 2008 and men haven’t been the same since he spilled the tea on single women making major moves in their careers and family. Now take what he said and add children to the mix…yes we BOSS’D all the way up for real! Which is why dating a single mom can be intimidating.
Can I dispel a rumor that has been surmised by this “Independent woman” philosophy conjured up in the minds of some men? We are independent because we are single individuals living outside of our parents' homes, who are succeeding in our pursuit of life because that is what responsible ADULTS do. Our reasonable and normal adult responsibilities don’t grant you a pass to not open doors, pull chairs out, pay for dates, or walk on the outside of the sidewalk closest to the street when walking we are together.
Once we are approached by a suitable suitor…we are putting our hammer and nails down and letting the man take his rightful position in our lives as our husbands (not boyfriend, not bae, etc.). Listen, I’m just trying to be pretty, wear my fly outfits, fix these meals for my family, take care of the home and these chirren, and make money in my sleep while lying next to my husband (because this BAWSE LIFE doesn’t stop.)
The single mom has a lot going on in her life, so when approaching her it is important you are ready with your “A” game. Below I have five tips you should consider when approaching a single mom. We all deserve the best in life and it is better to share it with someone. Why not that person be YOU!
Dos and Don’ts when dating a Single Mom:
1) DO let your Intentions be known. Single moms are running an entire ship over here and need to know what is going on. Trust me, single moms know all too well of the consequences of operating in the dark…you get shitted on (Mommies, who want to change that diaper again?!) Who we interact with outside of our family has to be clearly defined and the motives well are known.
What are we doing? Why and how?
This helps all involved (you and her) know how to proceed without all of the guesswork. No one has time for situationships, so…WASSUP?!
2) DO be consistent with your communication. Fellas, a mature and grown woman does not take your consistent communication as “thirsty” rather we view your actions as attentive, attractive, and most important you convey to us that you are INTERESTED IN US. Good Communication skills extends beyond the “hyd?” and “wyd?” daily text message. It includes actual phone calls (yes talking TALKING), face to face interaction or video chat (let me see you), not to mention thoughtful and thought-provoking conversations, and delivered flowers and chocolates (I said what I said!).
Inconsistency with communication is the culprit for most if not all relationships. With everything the single mom has going on, trust me, she needs a man (her BAE) to shoot the breeze with, laugh with (because we see and hear some hilarious things every day), discuss the pressing issues affecting our community with, and if you play your cards right, your arms will be the one she runs to when she needs that embrace after a long hard and trying day.
3) DO Plan Dates! PLAN being the first keyword and ADVANCE being the second keyword. SINGLE MOMS HAVE CHILDREN! We absolutely love the spontaneity of a “Hey babe, I’m picking you up at 8 p.m., be ready. I got something special planned.” Ooooo weee!! Let me find out one of you reading this does that! You can have the most romantic fun-filled date planned for us that you have worked really hard on but if we don’t have a babysitter…then all of your efforts will have to be rescheduled.
If your communication is on point as stated in tip #2, you will know when you can be spontaneous like that or when you need to make advance plans. Always be mindful that, our primary responsibility is our children and before we can say yes to a date, we have to first secure a trusted babysitter.
4) DO value our time.
“Do not bother her soul if you mean her no good.”
This goes back to tip #1: if you know you have no intention of putting forth the effort in getting to know her then respect her, her time (and your time) and children enough to bow gracefully out of the game. Gracefully which is completely different from GHOSTING! There’s nothing worse than a man who intentionally wastes a woman’s time because he is not comfortable with being alone, so he holds on to her for the company. Forget that!
5) DO know who YOU ARE, YOUR PURPOSE and be ALREADY maximizing on your potential. Listen, we already have children we are raising to become responsible, phenomenal, successful Black men and women. BLANK STARE…do I need to elaborate on this or you get my point. Know who you are before dating a single mom, you to complement our lifestyle not complicated our lifestyle.
This is a freebie:
6) DO NOT ASK TO MEET HER KIDS before she is comfortable with you! Although your intentions may be honorable, this is a VERY sensitive decision single mothers have to consider when dating. A mother cannot let any and every man around her children, regardless of how awesome he is. Asking to meet her children before she brings the subject up or asking too early will make you look weird and creepy. Mama Bear’s radar will go up. Her children are her treasure, she is sensitive and protective over those who belong to her. Children who are growing up in a single-parent home can become attached very quickly to someone who can potentially fill a role they’ve been missing, so our approach to introducing you to our children has to be done gently and strategically. Have patience, when she is comfortable with you, you will be able to meet them.
To my single mom’s reading this: Listen whatever standards you have when it comes to dating just know you not only owe it to yourself to uphold them you are WORTH them all!
What do you think? Leave a comment.
About the Author
Danielle Parks is a freelance writer, published author, and a speaker who enjoys advocating for Mental Health Awareness & Wellness among Black and Brown women and being a mom to her amazing daughter as well as a cat mom.
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